2011 Spike Video Game Awards winners no one cared about enough to televise announced
With the recent announcement of the big winners of the 2011 Spike Video Game Awards, it’s all too easy to forget that, much like the technical awards at the Oscars, there are numerous Spike awards that are not presented at the main ceremony.
Yet, while these awards may carry less prestige than those presented on national television by D-list celebrities who may or may not have some sort of actual connection to video games, the artistic and technological achievements they honor are no less important to the world of gaming and deserve recognition extending far beyond the untelevised ceremony hosted by a former lighting technician for the Super Mario Bros. Super Show and the guy who did the voice-overs for the instructional VHS tape that came with the Sega Activator in the tool shed of Bobby Kotick’s unfinished summer home at which they were originally presented.
Thus, to honor these contributors to the world of gaming, Kuribo’s Shoes is proud to present this list of the 2011 Spike Video Game Awards winners that no one cared about enough to publicize.
Best Performance-Enhancing Drug Use Simulator
The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings (PC)
Honorable Mention: Gears of War 3 (Xbox 360)
Best Game That Was Accidentally Named After a Military-Themed Porno Movie Due to a Packaging Manufacturer’s Error
Hard Corps: Uprising (Xbox360, PS3)
Michael Richards Foundation Award for Racial Sensitivity in Popular Culture
Deus Ex: Human Revolution, for its use of the character Letitia to provide a subtle, nuanced exploration of the lives of African-Americans in 21st-century Detroit (PC, PS3, Xbox 360)
Best Game That Sounds Like a Store Next to the Food Court at the Mall
World of Tanks (PC)
Green Gamer Award for Outstanding Advances in Environmental Responsibility by Stapling 3 Business cards Together and Trying to Pass it Off as a “Manual”
F.E.A.R. 3 (PC, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360)
Best Game That Was Clearly Thought Up at 3 AM By People Sitting in a Huge Cloud of Marijuana Smoke
Hyperdimenison Neptunia, NIS America’s epic RPG saga about a war between four rival goddesses that are allegorical representations of different video game systems. (PS3)
Honorable Mention: Magicka Vietnam (PC)
Sheer Fucking Chutzpah
Nintendo, for once again releasing two full-priced Pokémon titles that are essentially the same game.
Most Subtly Unfortunate Unintended Historical Association in Gaming
Nintendo, for calling those two Pokémon games Pokémon White Version and Pokémon Black Version and populating each of them with equal groups of Pokémon who do not appear together and can be found only in their separate color-coded domains.
Most Amusing Game Title to Smutty-Minded 12 Year-Olds
Operation Flashpoint: Red River (PC, PS3, Xbox 360)
Honorable Mention: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (PC, PS3, Xbox 360)
Best Multiplatform Action Game Featuring Mark Hamill as the Joker
Batman: Arkham City (PC, PS3, Xbox 360)
Best Game Where You Can Beat a World-Devouring God Older Than the Cosmos Itself to Death With a Lead Pipe
Marvel vs. Capcom 3: The Fate of Two Worlds (PS3, Xbox 360)
Kuribo’s Shoes extends its warmest congratulations to all of this year’s winners.
Yesterday:
Newest PSN User Agreements Update Prevents Player Complaints
Tomorrow:
2011 VGAs air, millions leave country out of embarrassment
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2011 VGAs air, millions leave country out of embarrassment
