MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT THING: December 2011 State of The Shoes

Hello, friends.

It’s me again, your brave and wise and handsome co-President in Chief of this here internet website.

I called this press conference to make another serious announcement about Kuribo’s Shoes. You see, you know your mother and I love you very much, but sometimes…

Wait, that’s not it…Oh, here we go:

After months of continuously embarrassing ourselves, and our country, we have decided to formally drop out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination.

Damn, that’s not it either…Ah, here it is:

For 48 years, you’ve come to know and love us as The Internet’s Only Video Game Humor Website And Shoe Store (seriously, have you ever clicked that shoe on the bottom right?), but now, we’ve decided to slightly shift directions.

Extremely slightly. So slightly that it’s possible that no one will ever notice (but hey, that’s never stopped us before).

From now on, we will be rebranding ourselves as Kuribo’s Shoes: The Internet’s Only Video Game Humor Journal And Shoe Store. What does that mean? Well, for centuries literary magazines have been getting away with letting other people do all the work, and frankly, we wanted in on that action. Errr…I mean we wanted to let you, the humble proletariet, live out your fantasies of seeing your own dryly sarcastic bullshit in print (on a computer screen) on a (completely un-) popular website.

Plus, “Video Game Humor Journal And Shoe Store” sounds classy as shit.

So here’s how it will all work:

1. You (yes, YOU!) write a fantastically hilarious piece of video game satire in the dry tone we’ve established on this site.

2. You submit it to sam [at] kuribosshoes.com (put SUBMISSION or something in the subject line), OR use the handy form over in the Submissions tab.

3. We’ll say “Hey, thanks!” and then read it.

4. If we like it, we’ll polish it up (if we need to) and then tell you we’d like to post it on the site.

4A. If we don’t like it, we’ll say something polite, like “We didn’t think it was quite right for us” and compliment you on your hair so you don’t feel too bad, and then we’ll say “Hey, keep on sending us stuff!” so you don’t get discouraged.

5. Continuing on the “If we like it” track, you’ll then give us a quick bio (50 words or so) and a website/twitter page/facebook fan page/local car dealer/whatever you’d like us to plug for you.

6. We post it, then you spam everyone you know with a link to it.

7. PROFIT*

So that’s where we are now. Send any questions you may have to that same e-mail up above, and if you’re ready to be a part of the Kuribo’s Shoes Pyramid Scheme Video Game Humor Journal And Shoe Store, send your BEST piece of video game humor to that very same e-mail I’ve now referenced a few times, and we’ll try to get you a timely response.

Thanks for reading!

We love you.

Like, for real.

-Sam Barsanti
Whatever title I made up at the beginning,
Kuribo’s Shoes

PS: We’re still sort of figuring this out as we go…so if you’re like “What about X or Y?!” then we probably just haven’t…thought of it yet….

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*Here’s the breakdown of how the profits will work:
YOU: Get to play around on this platform we created by stretching your humor muscles, as well as getting to promote whatever you want to our audience of a billion people**
US: People will see our website

**This number has been exaggerated slightly.***

***By about a billion.