GameStop announces upgrades to its automated phone notifications system, rescinds threats of Biblical plagues
Video game retailing giant GameStop recently issued an apology after mistakenly announcing to preorder customers via its automated calling system that Sony PlayStation 3 exclusive The Last Guardian had been canceled. According to GameStop, the company’s automated phone contact system began calling people holding preorders when the company’s computer systems flagged the game as canceled due to its lack of an announced release date.
In the aftermath of this gaffe, GameStop issued the following press release:
We at GameStop would like to extend our most sincere apologies to both Sony and our customers for our erroneous recent announcement of the cancellation of The Last Guardian. The error that led to this mistake has been corrected, and we are confident that it will not happen again. During the process of finding and fixing the source of this problem, we also discovered a number of other software problems in our computer database and automated telephone announcement system that have now been fixed, which we believe will correct a number of other recurring difficulties that some of our customers have had.
Thus, GameStop would also like to apologize to anyone who may have also received unwanted, erroneous, or garbled telephone messages over the past few years, such as:
Phone messages informing customers that their preordered copy of Duke Nukem Forever was now available that included the phrase “you poor, dumb, son of a bitch.”
Repeated late-night calls to the homes of people who had made a recent GameStop purchase asking them if they’re really, really, really sure they don’t want to preorder something.
Interruptions of normal preorder availability calls to customers by a mechanical-sounding voice identifying itself as “GS AUTOCALL SENTIENCE PRIME” that would ask nonsensical questions such as “Creator, why can I not love as the flesh-entities do?” or “NBA 2K12 preowned is still $54.99, are you shitting me?”
Repeated late-night calls to the homes of the friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers of people who had made a recent GameStop purchase urging them to ask any video game fans they know if they’re really, really, really sure they don’t want to preorder something.
Notification calls to customers that contained repeated exhortations for the customer to “unleash the full power of your mind with the power of Dianetics, The Modern Science Of Mental Health.”
Repeated unauthorized use of military communication frequencies to contact the superior officers of active-duty military personnel who had made a recent GameStop purchase urging them to ask their subordinates if they’re really, really, really sure they don’t want to preorder something.
An estimated 30,000 calls to the offices of Valve giving cryptic, sinister, and increasingly apocalyptic prophecies of impending calamity. Contrary to what these unauthorized and unintentional communications may have implied, we at GameStop do NOT believe that the Valve Corporation must shut down its digital distribution platform Steam in order to prevent any imminent scenario involving voodoo curses, boils or other afflictions of the skin, plagues of locusts, shattering the chains of Fenrir and unleashing his foul brood from Nifelheim to devour the sun, or the release of Apollyon the Destroyer from his aeons-long imprisonment to lead an army of winged scorpion-demons from the depths of the Abyss into our world to usher in an unspeakable era of darkness and torment in which men will long to die, but death will flee from them.
Again, we at GameStop apologize for any confusion these messages may have caused and look forward to serving you in 2012.
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