Big game companies stop backing SOPA, Fascism, possibly Satan

Video game companies caught some negative press recently when it was revealed that many of them were supporters of SOPA, also known as the Defense of Marriage Patriot Bill or whatever, the increasingly unpopular piece of legislation that would allow copyright holders to seek court orders against websites accused of enabling copyright infringement, and that some say would “cripple the internet.” The backlash was intense, including such violent protests as:

A guy in a Youtube video telling them to stop it

These frightening displays of civil unrest have apparently done the job, however, as Nintendo, Sony, and Electronic Arts have all taken their names off the list of SOPA supporters. But they didn’t stop there: to further cleanse their images, the corporations have also dropped support for other disreputable causes, such as Fascism and bullying, and many have severed alliances with shady figureheads like Cthulhu, Hades, and Newt Gingrich.

Nintendo made its series of announcements early last week, declaring that it would no longer back a number of bills and organizations, including the No Games for America Act (NGAA), Trolls United (TU), Blind Everyone (BE), and the Only Release Three Good Games in An Entire Year Mandate (3DS). It also denounced Satan, whom Nintendo has supported since 2006, when the selling of its own soul allowed the Wii to experience outrageous popularity.

"I regret the termination of our partnership, but I appreciate Nintendo's amicability in the matter and I wish them all the best," said Satan on Monday

Sony, meanwhile, has been a little more hesitant to rescind its support for things other than the easy crowd-pleasers — like Communism and flag-burning, ho-hum — and while in the end it did publicly condemn SOPA, the Stop Online Piracy Act, it still remains a fervent supporter of SOAPA, the Sit On All Puppies Accord.

“I think we can all agree that puppies suck and should be sat on,” said Sony president Howard Stringer to a room of journalists shaking their heads and sighing deeply. “We will not rest until all puppies are crushed.” He then said “thank you” to an eruption of boos.

When asked if Sony would follow Nintendo’s example and stop backing Satan as well, Stringer replied, “Satan has done a lot for us over the years and we’re very grateful. Listen, we tried to hide a clause into PSN’s Terms of Service that forbade users from suing us. Just the fact that we haven’t been lynched for that yet demonstrates the efficacy of the Sony-Satan relationship.” We then asked him if Sony would at least withdraw its support for Evil, to which Stringer responded, “What do you think.”

Microsoft was the first major game company to retract its support for SOPA, having done so a full month before the other companies, but when Kuribo’s Shoes asked CEO Steve Ballmer back in November if this break-off would mean the end of similarly destructive causes, such as his rampant cocaine habit, Ballmer terminated the interview by threatening to fucking cut us.

Finally, EA had little to say when we contacted them, as they were too busy performing a voodoo curse on the latest Madden box art to speak to us at length, but its CEO, John Riccitiello, did comment that while it no longer supported SOPA, animal cruelty, or Joseph Stalin, Electronic Arts would continue to support Hitler in all his endeavors. When notified that Hitler died in 1945, Riccitiello said, “Oh, I meant Zombie Hitler. Did I mention we’re still totally for zombies? Totally for zombies.”

SOPA’s future is still up in the air, but perhaps the fact that it’s so evil that even a company who proudly supports “Zombie Hitler” wants nothing to do with it will serve as a warning to politicians.