Family Research Council Becomes Aware of Video Games, Warns Everyone
Those are some heterosexual looking individuals right there.
In an incredibly shocking turn of events, a political group populated by people who have never touched a video game is taking action against video games. Recently the conservative Christian lobbying group known as the Family Research Council came across some information about same-sex relationship options in Bioware’s MMORPG Star Wars: The Old Republic. Apparently surprised by this news, FRC president Tony Perkins took to the airwaves to warn others about this revelation, encouraging them to go on the internet and complain (which we all know is the most effective way to take political action).
We contacted BioWare CEO Ray Muzyka via email for his comments on the matter. He replied by saying “whatevs” followed by picture of a dog cleaning his own genitals. Mr. Muzyka’s nonchalance may be due to the fact that BioWare has already had to deal with conservative Christian groups complaining about the homosexual relationship options in Baldur’s Gate II, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Jade Empire, Mass Effect, Dragon Age: Origins, Mass Effect 2, Dragon Age II, and preemptive complaining about Mass Effect 3 and Dragon Age III. Some gamers have gone so far as to accuse the FRC of being twelve years behind the times, or of being “total noobs.”
Undaunted by these accusations (or oblivious to them), the Council has issued more warnings about content in video games that they are opposed to. They began by announcing to parents everywhere that they should not purchase Grand Theft Auto games for their children due to their violent and sexual content.
“In the video game called Grand Theft Auto III, you can hire a prostitute to have sex with in your stolen car,” said Perkins, “The car then rocks back and forth in the most graphic depiction of sex that I’ve ever seen in a video game. After which, you can then murder the prostitute and take back the money you paid her! This game sounds so anti-family values, I would bet my Bible that the company that created this game has gone bankrupt, and no one will ever make a Grand Theft Auto game again.”
The FRC has also issued warnings about the “pro-terrorist content” of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, the “sniper training” in Halo, the blood and gore in Mortal Kombat, the pornography in Duke Nukem, and the depiction of rape in Custer’s Revenge.
Kuribo’s Shoes was able to get Mr. Perkins to agree to a brief interview about their anti-video game campaign:
Kuribo’s Shoes: Thank you for agreeing to speak with me, Tony.
Tony Perkins: My pleasure. It’s good to see young people who are willing to speak out against the despicable content found in these video games.
KS: Right, that’s what we do. First question: Have you guys been living in a cave?
TP: If you mean the cave that our Lord Jesus was placed in after he was crucified, and from which he rose from the dead after three days, then yes.
KS: Allow me to rephrase that. Have you guys been living under a rock?
TP: If you mean the rock that our Lord Jesus rolled away from the entrance of the cave in which he was placed after he was crucified, and from which he-“
KS: This interview is over.
So far, the Family Research Council has received very little attention over their campaign to warn people about video game controversies that everyone has already known about for years. I’m not sure how I even heard about it. In fact, I don’t know why I’m writing about it at all. This article is over.
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Bioware promises that new edition of Mass Effect: Deception will actually be based on Mass Effect
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Bioware promises that new edition of Mass Effect: Deception will actually be based on Mass Effect
