Local mom says “arrow to the knee,” gaming declared dead
Tragedy strikes the gaming world as it is reported that on Saturday, local mom Savannah Long made an “arrow to the knee” joke to her son David. The actual transcript of the joke is as follows (Disclaimer: don’t read):
“Hey, Davie. Whatcha doin’? Playing your Skyrim Scrolls game? Coooool. Hey, do you want a lemonade? Well, I WAS going to make you a lemonade…but then I took an arrow to the knee!”
- Savannah Long, local mom/ruiner of everything
It took David a moment to register the debacle unfolding behind him, but when his mind grasped the horror, the controller slipped right out of his hands like an arrow into a knee.
"Look at this adorable picture I made of Buster! Isn't that hilarious, honey?"
This is one in a long line of old people making jokes to young people and producing catastrophic results. The history of this phenomenon extends back to 1980, when the first case was documented of a “hip” uncle reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and spouting unsolicited “42″s directed at his teenage nephew, who had just finished the book. The video game version of this nightmare is said to have started with the 1986 NES title Pro Wrestling and its congratulatory message “A winner is you!” This meme was promptly snatched up and regurgitated by game-savvy quipsters, and can still be heard ironically uttered by amateur pseudo-nerds even today.
This arrow-to-the-knee fiasco was the worst case of a parent ruining a video game since 2008, when Robert LaDuece of Minnesota threw his son a birthday party, sat him down at the kitchen table for cake, and presented nothing. When the boy inquired about it, Robert, with boisterous zeal, proclaimed with arms outstretched that the cake was a lie. Valve lost 50 million dollars that year.
This, however, is on another level entirely. Experts in the industry are declaring this the “death of gaming,” and more than one is calling it the apocalypse. That’s probably going a little overboard, though.
For now, at least, the following references are safe:
- Bad enough dudes
- You have died of dysentery
- Halo is a pretty cool guy
- I can’t let you do that, Star Fox
- Do you have Battletoads
These memes are dangerous and should be avoided at all costs:
- Your princess is in another castle
- I heard you like Mudkips
- Took an arrow to the knee
- All your base are belong to us
- The cake is a lie
- Do a barrel roll
The following are in an iffy “in-between” zone and should be avoided if convenient:
- Well excuuuuuuse me, princess
Gaming’s continued existence depends on our collective observance of these rules.
Yesterday:
Bioware promises that new edition of Mass Effect: Deception will actually be based on Mass Effect
Tomorrow:
EA Sparks New Marketing Trend: Literal Video Game Launches
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EA Sparks New Marketing Trend: Literal Video Game Launches
